GIGOLO 101: How to snagg a sugar mummy

The love of money has made some Nigerian men take to internet fraud, some push hard drugs across borders, and for others, the in-thing is selling their body and independence to the highest bidder. Also, Nigeria’s recurrent economic woes has caused more men to loose their jobs than women. I once asked an uncle why his company was more interested in hiring women than men, his reply stuck to my brain like a military slap to the chin. ”Men do not have front and back and cannot give what women give, especially in an organisational setting’ he simply said.

So in the interest of fair play, here is my advice to the interested guys out there for finding a female white knight.

BE EYE CANDY

This is one of the most important rule in the book. If you don’t have the natural looks of a Bryan Okwara, you can compensate for that by hitting the gym as often as possible. ‘Sugar mamas’ will always want somebody who is young and hot, shikena! In concise terms, this means you turning into some sort of metro-sexual over night and groom the hell out of your life. Your hair, your clothes, how you smell, etc must always be on point.

BE FLIRTY AND AUDACIOUS

Women of all ages and sizes are professionals in the art of hiding their feelings. Even if you’re as good looking as Willy Monfret (the guy with the seductive eyes in Nicki Minaj’s “Right Through Me” video), they will rarely approach you. Why? Because its not our thing in this part of the world. If a woman approaches a dude she fancies, she might be branded a cheap whore, so they (women) usually keep to themselves.

As a willing chap, if you see an attractive older woman and she looks like she’s worth a million bucks, i’ll suggest you make the first move. In addition to that, you must be good with your tongue, flattering and flirting at the same time. This could be while she’s in a car, a social event, a restaurant or even after church service, for those that don’t fear neither the pastor nor God.

BE A GOOD LISTENER

Apparently, women like to air their grievances. Its called ‘baggage dumping’ and older women are no different. They want someone who would listen to them while they whine about the day’s rigorous multi-million naira business deal. And if you sure want to reap from this venture, you better open your ears,keep a smile and contribute, even if what she is saying is as boring as Nigeria’s football league matches.

BE HER CARETAKER

This is the part i hate the most. Older women like women of all ages want to be taken care of. They want to feel like pets, they want to feel younger. You need to be the one who can do things for her that she can’t do herself, for example, driving her to early morning saturday games, cooking before she gets back from work, jogging alongside her, fixing things around the house, etc. You’re like a mini house-boy, except you earn 50 times more than all her house helps combined, plus you take the trophy (madam) home.

NO EXTA-RUNS

Even when they are hooked, a sugar mama will get jealous in an extra-marital affair with a younger lover. She sees you as a personal property that she has invested time, money and emotions on which is not to be shared with any other, especially if the person from the other end is a younger and hotter version of what she is. It is no news that some of this women are highly placed in the society and if you love your life and the life of whoever you’re romancing, you should never talk about your external runs, girlfriends, exes or crushes, NEVER! I’ve heard stories of sugar mamas ending the lives of their pet toys and their girlfriends with just one phone call from some one that knows some one that is a loyal boy to their husbands who is a Senator.
I warned you oh!

LOVE MAKING

It all boils down to what happens inside the bedroom. You cannot afford to lack a stallion’s stamina. This is one of the major reason if not the major reason why you’re getting all those weekly cash, cars and expense paid trips around the world. If you can’t satisfy an older women, which is more hard work than a 9-5 job, there’s no need starting the whole process. Just quit!

HARRISON OBIEFULE @pweetylad writes for NAIJAVIBE

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS