Tales of a Lagos Babe – Episode 4 [Mr Anonymous]

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I could hear the sound of the TV as I opened the door to the house. My people were home. I put off my shoes and tiptoed into the sitting room. I came into the sitting room to find Taiwo coiled on my favourite chair. I wanted to cover her eyes from behind but I resisted the urge. Let me play matured jare, 4 years isn’t a joke after all. For your mind Shalewa. Hehehehehe!

As though she could feel my presence, she looked back and screamed

“Moi Sister” she got up to hug me.

I tickled her and found my way out of her embrace. She was a size 12. Way bigger than I am.

“How was your trip?”

“Fine, fine”. She sat down and started to tell me about their tour; ride in the desert and so on. She paused all of a sudden.

“Wait sef, where have you been? I know Mr. Malik was supposed to pick us up from the airport, but weren’t you supposed to at least be at home to welcome us?” she slapped my exposed thigh.

I grinned, of all my family members, she was my favourite. She had the mind of a child and was easily drawn to the dark side by her evil twin.

“Guess what?”

“Oh now!!! Tell me jor”

“Guess now” I tickled her and she began to laugh

I was about to tell her when my mum walked in. I got up to hug her.

“Bawo ni Shalewa?”

“Fine ma, ekabo ma”

“Where have you been? It’s been over 3 hours we came in” my mother asked.

I started to smile. “I got a job”

“You got what?!!!” Taiwo screamed and ran to hug me.

“Congratulations o, Oluwa seun! At least you will be able to contribute to the affairs of this house” My mum said as she took a seat and seized the TV’s remote from Shalewa.

I smiled and gave her a kiss on her cheek.

“Where’s Kay?”

“She went to see Kanmi” Mum answered

“Ok”

I went into my room and met a bag of goodies from Dubai. I would go out to say thank you later. I called Omoyeni but she wasn’t picking up. I was still thinking about the game Femi was playing when my phone vibrated.

It was a ‘whatsapp’ message and I couldn’t recognize the number.

It read “Hi”

I answered back “Hello”

That was how I began gisting with an anonymous number o.

Me: who is this?

Anonymous: Hmm! A friend

Me: A friend that has no name

Anonymous: Let’s just leave it as that. So, how did your day go?

Me: Fine

Anonymous: Good. So what are you up to? No outing tonight?

Me: Duh!!! It’s a work night.. Who goes out on such days?

Anonymous: You can never be too sure. Some of us can’t tell the difference.

Me: Lol. I take it you are the grooving type.

Anonymous: Hmm! Not in particular, but I like to have fun whenever I can. Guy stuffs!

Me: Right now, I know this is a guy I’m chatting with but it would actually be nice if I could put a name to the sex.

Na who be this person?! Hmm!!! I felt like I was on a blind date, only no one hooked anyone up. I dialled the number but this anonymous guy didn’t pick up. I tried again, no answer.

Me: kindly pick up your call

No reply

Me: are you there?

Still no reply. I gave up and went to the sitting room to say thank you for the gifts.

Kay was home with Kunmi.

“Welcome back Sis” I approached her with a hug. She met me halfway.

“Hello Kanmi” I greeted Kanmi as Kay and I disentangled.

“Hi Shalewa! I heard you got a job” Kanmi asked

“Yes o, I did. I only just started today”

“We spoke on phone yesterday, how come you didn’t say anything?” Kay asked.

Typical of her. What others let go of, she would cling to it as though her growth in life depended on it.

“I wanted to surprise you guys” I grinned stupidly. She’s the only 24 years old that makes me feel silly. Most times I just let it go and blame my mum for it all.

“I see, congrats o” she said

“Oshee” I answered in Yoruba. It was one of my tactics of reminding her of who was older. Yoruba commanded respect.. hehehehehehehe!
I could feel Kanmi’s eyes on me. Does he still nurse a crush? I hope not. Kanmi is 2 years older than I am and has been a part of our family for almost 2 years. The twins and I met him at an Aunt’s 40th birthday in England. He was visiting his family in England and they had brought him along to the party. We all enjoyed his company and spent most of the afternoon in England with him before the twins returned to Nigeria. He left 2 days after the twin’s departure to Nigeria; this was after he had told me he had a serious crush on me. I turned him down and told him I wasn’t eighteen any longer and did not believe in ‘crushing’ on people. One week later, Daddy died in a plane crash. Kanmi had left dozens of messages on my answering machine. He had stayed back in Nigeria to comfort the twins. I guess he and Kay hit it afterwards. I really don’t know their love story and I did not care one bit. All I know is he had better not be crushing on me anymore.

I went back into my room and fell on my bed. There was a ‘whatsapp’ message on my phone.

Anonymous: so how was work today?

Me: hmm! It was fine. I called you.

Anonymous: i know

I was beginning to get angry. He didn’t even apologise. I decided to play mute.

Anonymous: so tell me about yourself.

Shio! You never know as e dey go.

Anonymous: You there?

Jamb question.

Anonymous: you really looked good today.

I sat up immediately. Who is this? Femi?? I put a stop to my muteness and replied with speed of light.

Me: very funny. So what did I have on today?

Anonymous: the cutest dress I’ve ever seen and to think that you made it yourself.

Omg!!! Only Lydia and Femi knows this. It was definitely Femi. I sat up immediately.

Me: you just gave yourself away you know.

Anonymous: oh! Did I?

Me: I know you work at Mable Consult

Anonymous: I do?

I rolled my eyes. Drama prince!

Me: I know you do *straight face*

Anonymous: *smiles* Goodnight Omoshalewa

Me: see, am not a kid and I don’t believe in playing pranks neither do I have time for jokes, so tell me your name.

Silence. Hmm!!

Me: are you there?

Me: hello

I gave up. I will get to the root of this matter tomorrow. It was definitely Femi. It had to be Femi. I dozed off with this on my mind.

Omoshalewa Benson: Tales of a Lagos babe is written by Tobilola ‘Bella’ Agoro (@tobiagoro)